No wait, what the hell am I talking about? You’re not stupid enough to give me any of that information. I’d only be irresponsible with it and ruin your credit score. (Not to mention piss off your mother.)
No no no. All I hope you’ll provide is your name and email address, so you can subscribe to the blog, check out my book, and generally have yourself some good, clean fun around here.
(By “clean” I mean about as risque as your average PG-13 movie. Parents, want to know if this website is suitable for your kids? It sure is, provided they’re old enough to know the basic cuss words, can appreciate a little sarcasm, and are sufficiently distracted not to notice there are no games to download. Oh, and I guess they should have an interest in travel and other cultures and shit like that.)
As far as your email address is concerned, it’s definitely safe with me. It will never be sold, given away or traded for baseball cards. If the Feds come looking for it, I’ll toss my phone into a pot of boiling water. Even if I’m threatened with physical torture and unbearable pain…no actually, in that case I’d go ahead and give it up. You’d understand.