No wait, what the hell am I talking about? You’re not stupid enough to give me any of that information. I’d only be irresponsible with it and embarrass the crap out of you. (Not to mention piss off your mother.)
No no no. All I hope you’ll provide me is your name and a valid email address so you can subscribe to the blog, read about my published fiction, and generally have yourself some good, clean fun around here.
(By “clean” I mean about as risque as your average PG-13 movie. Parents, wondering if this website is suitable for your kids? It sure is, provided they’re old enough to know the basic cuss words, can appreciate a little sarcasm, and are sufficiently distracted not to notice there are no games to download. Oh, and I guess they should have an interest in travel and other cultures and shit like that.)
You can also login to the site using one of your social media accounts. Your login information is never seen or stored by this site (only by the social media service itself). All this site sees is your public profile. As far as that kind of data is concerned, and your email address too, it’s all definitely safe with me. Everything on this site is fully GDPR-compliant (or so I’m told). None of your data will ever be sold or given away. I won’t even trade it for baseball cards, tempting though that may be. And if the Feds ever come looking for your information, I’ll toss my phone into a pot of boiling water. Even if they threaten me with physical torture and unbearable pain…no, actually, in that case I’d go ahead and give you up. You’d understand.